“At the end of the day what matters is if you have made your point”, my friend says. Fair enough but isn’t it enough to just say “What matters is if you have made your point?” This disease has corrupted everybody. This morning, my wife was complaining about some domestic issues. I told her to set up some time later on to sort out the issues. She gave me a dirty look. How else do I say “Please get lost for now, I am busy” in a nice diplomatic way. I guess she read between the lines.
The downside of being diplomatic & politically right is that you are reduced to those 57 (or so, I don’t know) phrases. It is slightly amazing that you are able to convey everything using just these. Every industry has its clichés. Watch TV. See how they go on about the chemistry between the lead pair (why not biology or algebra?) and how that particular movie is really different. And we’re supposed to stay tuned to such nonsense till they get right back. How honest and considerate would it be to say “Please feel free to take a toilet break or grab a snack, it is just going to be toilet cleaning commercials, the program will resume in exactly 4 minutes.”
It would be akin to a manager saying “Please feel free to dial in and doze off. You are totally unnecessary to this call and there is nothing that you can use from it. We would generally be summarizing and re-summarizing each other, but we need the minimum quorum as per policy 23: Important & Irrelevant call attendance policy”
Basically it is a matter of being nice, isn’t it? But this daily dose of clichés is taking its toll. I can’t seem to speak like regular people. When I do make a conscious attempt to steer away from these clichés I get stuck groping for words. It shouldn’t be that difficult, it’s not rocket science! When I do say something that is cliché-free it somehow doesn’t seem professional, it feels like facebook comments. The downside is that I can never write a book that will sell. The upside is I have bright prospects in climbing up the corporate ladder. I could write all those snazzy company press releases and make impressive townhall speeches. Thinking out aloud, I might actually enjoy all the importance. At 10 thousand feet isn’t that what matters especially when I am flying business class.
My corporate learning: Take a holistic view. Do not reinvent the wheel. Touch base with your inner self and if possible with managers over tea & coffee. If you have concerns, take it offline and forget about it. The bottom-line is that there’s no substitute for hard work or good PR/networking (not CCNA). The top-line is well above the bottom-line and is critical too. Always revert (please don’t revert back) on time and remember to attach attachments. Diplomacy is the most valued skill at this moment in time (not now, but at this moment in time). Never predict delays in work. Claim lack of bandwidth but offer to still take it up and go all out to complete it. You can always blame downtime, system issues, server problems or Japan’s Tsunami later on. Write plenty of e-mails. They’ll never be collected and published as “The collected letters of one of the resources to his manager” but it reminds people that you’re around and active (at what? doesn’t matter). Be nice to HR but don’t expect the same in return. As part of the same paragraph, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of sustained effort and a paradigm shift from time to time to help build synergies and collaborate seamlessly.
Like all disclaimers this comes at the end. The entire content of this article is fictitious and however closely it resembles the actual scenario it is all purely imaginary.
